Is there ever a good time?

I have been wanting to get back into lifestyle blogging for a while, but there never seems to be a good time... especially since I haven't been blogging for awhile.  Just jumping into a blog post about the latest craft project, new home décor, or most recent episode of a violent stomach bug after months of being MIA just seems a little strange to me.

Even now it seems a little absurd to write about any of that trivial stuff so soon after the recent passing of my husband's grandmother.  Even though she was not my grandmother by blood, I loved her dearly; and being that I literally moved away from everything and everyone I knew to build a brand new life with my husband in his hometown, next door to his parents and grandparents, this sweet lady was part of the fabric of my everyday life.  

Last year we laid Pawpaw to rest on Good Friday and our hearts were grieved.  This year we will lay Mawmaw to rest on Good Friday as well and the grief reaches a whole new level.  I never dreamed we would be saying goodbye to her so soon.  So many things I thought she would be here for: Aubrey Lane's dance recital, Jude's amazing progress, having her over for dinner in the "big white house" we are planning on building, the possible arrival of a third baby one day, and so much more. 

My heart is heavy, but I am so thankful for the time we did have.  She was there at the church when I took her family's last name, at the hospital to hold both of my newborn babies, and on her front porch just about everyday when Aubrey Lane and I would go check the mail or get Jude off the bus, and so many special everyday moments. 

That brings me back to the blogging about all the trivial stuff... but it's not really trivial is it?  It's my life all written down in this blog- when I choose to blog.  These precious little everyday moments that seem trivial are so important.  Looking back on them brings comfort and happiness and peace, especially during these tender times of grief and celebration of life. 

So there is always a good time to start blogging again... and maybe it's today. 

"Let not your heart be troubled; you believe in God, believe also in Me.  In My Father's house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you.  I go to prepare a place for you.  And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself; that where I am there you may be also."

                                                                     John 14:1-3

What does suffering look like for you?- A Heart Series

Did the title get your attention? 

It gets mine.

For the past couple of weeks our Sunday School class has stayed on the same lesson…  Suffering. 

As we talked about how so many Christians portray Jesus as the end to all your troubles and easy streets from here on out, the honest truth is that with Christianity comes suffering.  It’s a Biblical promise. 

Consider it a great joy, my brothers, whenever you experience various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance.  But endurance must do its complete work, so that you may be mature and complete, lacking nothing.

James 1:2-4

We continued to talk about suffering and that we should be focused not on our circumstances, but the bigger picture and not the “why” it’s happening, but the “who” we are really dealing with.  The Lord.  The author of the Sunday School lesson book gave a great explanation of this.  When dealing with suffering we often want to know “why” is this happening.  “Why” doesn’t dry your tears, bring back lost time, nor offers comfort and peace, but The Lord does. 

At the end of class, people were sharing about the silver lining of their suffering.  I almost spoke up to share that Lane and I were different people because of our suffering.  That it was in the midst of our deepest suffering, preparing to say goodbye to our 3 month old son, we completely surrendered everything to God and proclaimed that whatever had to happen to Glorify His Name was our ultimate desire.  And from that ultimate surrender in the midst of our suffering, our hearts found peace and our son found healing.

But I kept my mouth shut.

Why?

Because it is such a hindsight response.  Not an answer for someone right dab in the middle of suffering.  Not too many suffering people are excited to hear that they are suffering to become better people.  Everyone wants to be a better person, but few of us pray for the suffering that creates that kind of growth. 

Don’t get me wrong-  I will never discredit the miracle that took place in our lives a little over 6 years ago.  But life is not a sprint, it’s a marathon; and day to day presents its new struggles to conquer in the name of the Lord.   And although God’s name was glorified in a life changing way in the midst of those very dark days, wasn’t I back in the midst of suffering a couple years later begging God for a baby;  not being able to worship because my heart was so full of pain and anger; the decisions facing me too heavy for me to bear; fear and desperation surrounding me, drowning out the voice of the Holy Spirit?  Letting my circumstances seem bigger than the Lord and asking why instead of who?  Am I not back in those same very dark days again?  Suffering once again after surrendering all?

But suffering looks different for me now.  Instead of surrendering to the suffering, I am surrendering in it.

So what does suffering look like for me?

Well I can tell you what it doesn’t look like.  You will not see me shying away from church and friends, sloughing off my prayer time, or shaking an angry fist at God.

What it does look like is me reaching out and being real with my friends, and asking for their prayers and encouragement; making sure I’m active in my church and Sunday School so I can be there to soak up every bit of love the Lord has placed in my path that day; being vulnerable to my husband, taking in his reassuring words and letting his comforting hugs last longer instead of rushing away to do chores; letting him pray for me and letting him know that he is needed in my life.  What suffering looks like for me is squeezing my babies longer because even though it’s another child I ache for, I am so in love and thankful for the two I have that I feel like my heart could explode; praising my Savior with tears in my eyes and remembering that He is bigger than this suffering.  Surrendering to Him, not the suffering.

What suffering looks like for me is some of the most tender and precious moments of my life.

Precious friend, I don’t know the suffering you are facing today.  Whether it’s days of depression, the pregnancy test that refuses to show 2 pink lines, a husband or wife you can’t see eye to eye with, a stack of bills and long line at the unemployment office, the devastating diagnosis at the doctor’s office… or maybe life has been easy for a while and you can’t remember what suffering is like… Whenever suffering comes, not “if” it comes, but “whenever”, the days can be dark, far from easy to get through, and circumstances may seem too heavy and unbearable.  Don’t let the suffering harden your heart.  Let your suffering be a tender and precious time of growing.  Don’t focus on the “why”, but the “who” and let your suffering change your life in a beautiful way.  Do not surrender to the suffering, but surrender to Him in it.

Finally! A Christmas Post!

So I know that I have been promising a blog post from our Christmas events.  I have been blogging a little of what's on my heart lately, but no cute pictures of the kids.  And lets get honest, a blog post without pictures really isn't that fun, is it?  In fact, one of the reasons I fell in love with blogging is because I have a good friend that used to blog and she had the most precious pictures of her family.  She made you feel like you were peeping into the next issue of a Southern Living Magazine.  But sadly she hasn't blogged in forever!  (Dear friend, if you are reading this and know who you are, I miss your blog posts.)

I digress...

As for our Christmas events, it was pretty much the same huge work load for the business as usual, but I managed to get some great Christmas memories in there too.

We started our Christmas season early by heading to Silver Dollar City for their Old Time Christmas Festival.  We decided we wanted to make a tradition of bringing the kids there every year or every other year if schedules get too busy.  

The last time we went to Silver Dollar City, we were preggo and didn't know it, so Aubrey Lane had never been. We actually stayed in the exact same cabin we stayed in 3 years ago.

I was so excited for Jude and Aubrey Lane to see the lights and hear the sounds of Christmas, but I was no where prepared for how COLD it was going to be.  We were literally walking around in 20 degree weather.  One night it got down to 12 degrees!  I would tell the locals and tell them that where I'm from, schools and businesses close when it gets this cold.  They would laugh like it was really a joke, yet I sit here blogging on the eve of the second Louisiana Sneaux Day in a week and schools and businesses are definitely closed for the next couple days.... Anyway because we were all so cold and so bundled, I didn't whip out my camera like I thought I would.  I am really bummed that I walked away with only pictures on my iPhone (which I dropped and broke there).  Lane even bought me an external flash for my camera since he dropped and broke it last year.

Anyway, the trip was great, and both the children were awe struck at the Christmas festivities everywhere.  Jude loved the sounds and Aubrey Lane loved the sights.  We heard "Oooo! Look at dis!", "You see dat?", and "You hear dat?" everywhere we went.

We also went to the Dixie Stampede- best meal the whole trip, and out to Branson Landing where we met Neal McCoy- he was THE NICEST MAN.  He sang to the kiddos and offered us free tickets to his show that night, but we already planning to go to Dixie Stampede.

On the way home, we stopped in Monroe to visit some sweet friends and of course go by Duck Commander.  

I didn't hop in the picture because camo, hunting- just not my thing.  And YES, that is a duck call my daughter is blowing.

After we got home from vacation, Thanksgiving was only a couple days later.  We kept the tradition of getting our Christmas tree on Black Friday, but we didn't hop over to Home Depot this year.   We have always had a real tree, but we decided that we would start cutting our own tree as part of a tradition.  So off to the Christmas Tree farm we went.  

We normally get around an 8 foot tree, but this year I wanted something small and easy to decorate.  A tree that was fun, not stressful.  So we found a 5 foot tree and fell in love with it.

Aubrey Lane announced that she was going to pray at the Christmas tree.  Not sure why, but she did.

So Lane chopped it down and home we went to decorate it our little 5 foot cypress Christmas tree.

I could have honestly made a whole blog post on the Christmas Tree farm.  The day was so beautiful and fun. 

An awesome photographer and sweet friend did a quick session for us for Christmas card pictures.  The pictures were beautiful; I want them all, but these were the two we put on our Christmas Card.

Lane worked nights on the day before Christmas Eve, Christmas Eve, and Christmas Day, so Santa waited until the day after Christmas to make his appearance, and the children didn't know the difference.  They were so happy!

This was our first experience with Aubrey Lane starting to anticipate the excitement of the season, and it was contagious.  Jude had a blast too!  I can't wait for next year.