Wednesday, May 30, 2012

She's TEN Months Old

Aubrey Lane, you are TEN. MONTHS. OLD!

You have actually been ten months old for over a week now, but it seems like I get worse and worse on keeping up with the blog these days.

This has been the most exciting month yet.  You have learned so much in the last month and you seem to be doing something new and exciting just about everyday.  It amazes us how smart you are.

Well you started crawling the day before you made nine months but it was a slow awkward crawl.  However, you mastered the skill very quickly and you are crawling everywhere... FAST.  I can barely keep up with you.  A week after you really started crawling you started pulling up.  Talk about fast!  You pull up to stand on EVERYTHING.  And in the past couple weeks, you have even started cruising along furniture and climbing up stairs.  Part of your favorite thing to do is climb back and forth over me or your daddy when we are playing with you in the living room.

You have also started waiving "Bye Bye" very appropriately and waiving your little hand in the air when I say "Uh Oh".  You are mimicking us so much with sounds and motions.  You've even started shaking your little head when I shake mine and tell you "No No".

And you are hearing the words "No No" a lot lately, Aubrey.  You have learned to open and close cabinet doors and drawers.  I have caught you pulling the trash can out of the cabinet and trying to dig in my jewelry box a couple times, so we are needing to child proof the house and QUICK!

After you made nine months, we moved you to mainly table food and you LOVE it.  You eat so good now that we have eliminated the baby food.  You insist on feeding yourself, so at breakfast and lunch, I try to give you finger foods.  At dinner I let you practice with the spoon and you do very well.  You make a huge mess, which your Daddy can't stand,  but I don't mind because I know that is part of it.

You used to be such a good sleeper, sleeping straight through the night since you were 8 weeks old.  However, you have started getting up around 3-5 to nurse or PLAY!   I'm pretty sure it's just this age and teething.  And you are a pretty restless sleeper.  You are always in a different position every time I check on you.  And you sleep in the funniest positions.  You don't like to nap.  You only take one good nap a day, but you seem happy so I don't worry.

You are growing like a little weed, Aubrey Lane.  You are now in 12 or 18 months clothes.  I still have a few 9 months outfits I tuck you into, but not many.  You are still in a size 3 diaper and you wear a size 3 shoe barely.  Seems like you will have my tiny feet.  This past month, we have added to your accessories by getting your ears pierced.  I was on the fence about it, but I'm glad we did since you have decided you don't want to wear your bows lately.  You are just darling with your tiny little pearls.  

Last week you got another tooth, bringing the grand total up to EIGHT!  That's right.  EIGHT TEETH!  We expected that though because Jude was an early teether too.  

Since summer is here, we have started doing all kinds of fun things.  We swing outside. We go on wagon rides.  We play in the kiddie pool.  We have play dates.  We go shopping.  We go to the zoo.  We go to Global Wildlife.  We go to the splash pad. We go to the pool...  well you get the picture.

You are still very happy and sweet.  People are always commenting on how beautiful and happy you are.  And I have to agree with them.  ;-)  I feel confident that your eyes are going to stay blue gray at this point.  Your hair is starting to get thicker and a little longer and is very very dark; and your skin has a pretty golden complexion.  Even after gobs and gobs of sunblock, your skin is much darker than Jude's fair complexion.  

Aubrey Lane, even though you are sweet and happy, you are very feisty as well.  The nursery staff at church has to watch you very closely because you are kind of a bully in there.  You steal other babies' pacifiers, bottles, and toys just for spite.  And you play to rough for the little babies so it won't be long before they move you across the hall in with the toddlers.  

Aubrey Lane, you are so so soooo attached to me.  And to tell the truth, part of me kind of loves the fact that you want me over anyone else.  It makes me feel very loved and needed, and I want to enjoy it because I know that in a blink of an eye, you won't need me anymore.  I pray ALL the time that my time with you as my baby will go by very slowly.  Even though, I can't remember life without you, I am amazed that in less than 2 months, you'll turn ONE! 


This baby, this daughter that I prayed so fervently for is growing up way to fast.  I hope you get to read all this one day and see just how much I have loved you since before you were even born.  

Happy Ten Months, baby girl, my Sweet Pea.
Thursday, May 24, 2012

Catching Some ZZZZ's

Remember a while back when Jude had a sleep study, and things went every way but right?

That was a really hectic time for us.  

Some really good things came out of all of it, though.  First Jude got to come off the oxygen at night because even though his apnea had gotten significantly worse, he was not desaturating (dropping his oxygen levels) too bad at night.  And a low flow O2 cannula wouldn't do much good for apnea.

The second good thing was Jude's tonsillectomy.  We were so afraid of the surgery, but it turned out to be very easy.  And now Jude sleeps and breathes so much quieter.  

So now that we have taken a moderately aggressive attack on the apnea, it is time to repeat the sleep study to find out if our actions were affective enough.

Tonight, Jude will have another study so I'm just praying that he has improved.  

Other than that, everything is going good. School is out and summer is here.  Aubrey Lane is already 10 months old and crawling everywhere and pulling up on everything; and I will be doing her 10 month post soon- I promise.  I've been getting them outside to play some which is kinda tough.  Especially since Jude hates being in the grass (Aubrey Lane LOVES it)

Well, I have to be running.  I can't much with the kids on the move.  And since Jude can't nap today, he's super cranky and not too tolerable of mommy blogging.  

Please just say a little prayer that all goes well with Jude's sleep study, and I'll post about the results when I get them in a month or so.
Thursday, May 10, 2012

What a shame...

Lately, I find myself in more and more situations where I am explaining Jude's disabilities to inquisitive people.  This is kind of new to me because Jude's delays weren't as obvious as a baby but the older he gets the more obvious they become and the more questions they raise.  Plus until this point, we've kinda been sheltered in our own little community.  Now we are venturing out into foreign lands, such as public schools (lol) and we come into contact with people that really don't know anything about Jude and are just curious. 

That's okay.

But sometimes...  it's not.

One of those sometimes was today.

Jude was being dismissed early from school for a doctor's appointment, so I went to my regular pick up spot in carpool.  I got there kinda early and got a sleeping Aubrey Lane out of her carseat (she'd been in it forever running errands), and I sat on a bench under the covered waiting area.

Well a nice elderly couple was there waiting to pick up their grandson, and naturally started a little conversation.  After a minute or so, the grandmother realized who my son is and mentioned that she'd seen his teacher bringing him out there before.

Then her husband casually asked "What's wrong with him?"  

I have learned in the past that I can't give a very detailed answer to this question without giving the asking party a crash course in genetics, chromosome patterns, DNA codes, etc, etc...  So I usually just answer, "He has a very rare genetic abnormality."  (Genetic translates to hard to understand and rare meaning you've never heard of it if you did understand it)

Well... I gave my simple answer.  And the man replied, "Well, at least he'll grow out of it."

Angel, you should just nod and agree to end it... but I couldn't.  

So I politely told him, "No, Sir.  He will never grow out of it.  Genes don't change.  They stay the same your entire life."

His response: "I hate to hear that.  What a shame!"

Don't gasp in horror.  I didn't take it to heart.  I'm sure the gentlemen did not mean any disrespect by his somewhat thoughtless comment.  In fact, I'd be willing to bet that his first thought was his own grandson and how sad he would be to have him affected by disability.  And it can be sad.  It's not one big glorious bed of roses all the time.

Nonetheless, it was still a disrespectful comment, but I smiled and let it slide because way deep down inside my heart, I knew that no matter what rebuttal I came up with, he would never truly understand.

What a shame...

shame | sh ām|nouna painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness ofwrong or foolish behavior she was hot with shame he felt a pang of shame at telling Alice a lie.• a loss of respect or esteem; dishonor the incident had brought shame on his family.• used to reprove someone for something of which they should be ashamed shame on you for hitting a woman for shame, brother!• [in sing. regrettable or unfortunate situation or action it is a shame that they are not better known.• a person, action, or situation that brings a loss of respect or honor :ignorance of Latin would be a disgrace and a shame to any public man.

What a shame that people feel sorry for someone as precious and joyful as Jude.  He enjoys life so much more than about everyone I know.

What a shame that people feel sorry for Lane and me as parents when our mighty God has shown himself to us in a way they will never know Him.

What a shame that most people will never experience the most genuine, unconditional love that Jude pours on us everyday.

What a shame that beautiful child is labeled more for his special needs than who he is... a fearfully and wonderfully made creation of the Lord.

What a shame they have to miss out on this smile everyday.

Honestly, this was not my plan or dream for my son and my family.  But I can't truthfully say that this is an "unfortunate situation" when this is the Lord's plan.  And if I don't believe that His plan is perfect, I have absolutely no reason to get up in the morning and not one shred of hope to hang onto at the end of each day.

My HOPE is IN the NAME of the LORD!!!

There is NO SHAME in being who the Lord, our Father, created us to be.  (I am trying to learn this on a personal basis as well).  He made us so that His glory may be revealed to us.

"And his disciples asked him, saying, Master, who did sin, this man, or his parents, that he was born blind? Jesus answered, Neither hath this man sinned, nor his parents: but that the works of God should be made manifest in him."
                  John 9:2,3

Friday, May 4, 2012


For those of you who don't know me, I'm Angel. A hubby loving, baby raising girl with a heart for Jesus. This blog is mainly a family blog but you are sure to find a little bit of everything and a whole lotta nothing in it :-) thanks for stopping by!

Life In the Boat

For many years now, my life (and Lane’s life too) has been quite the roller coaster ride.  We have experienced one desperate low followed by one extreme high and so on.  We have either been on our knees pleading with God; praying that His will be done while hoping it would be done at a price we could bare.  Then in the next breath, we’d be leaping for joy over that answered prayer. 
We have been either sinking in turbulent waves or walking on the water.
I am not exaggerating when I say that is how our entire marriage has been and life as we know it.
Until lately...
Something has been... off.  And I couldn’t quite put my finger on it until a few days ago.  And then it hit me.  
We aren’t sinking in water right now and we are not exactly walking on it either.  We are safe and sound, sleeping in the boat.  The waters are relatively smooth, and nothing particularly exciting has happened lately.
Now, please, please, PLEASE don’t take this as me complaining.  This has been a goal to reach a calm place in my life for a very long time.  And it’s here!  I’m certain it’s not permanent, but I’ll enjoy it while it’s here.
The issue is that neither Lane nor I really know how to live our lives in the boat.  It’s like we can’t quite get comfy and that we keep waiting for that other shoe to drop.  We are afraid to make plans and relax without reviewing all the “what ifs” and “maybes” and so on and so on.
I’ve done a lot of thinking and praying about this, and I personally feel like I am enduring a huge test from God.  Sure I called upon His Name when I was desperate.  I sang His praises when He lifted me.  But...  what am I doing in between?
Busy work.
Everyday routine.
I’ll be honest.  I know I could be in the Word so much more.  I know I need to make an effort to fellowship with my sisters in Christ.  I know I need turn off the Mickey Mouse and turn on some praise music and fill this home and those precious little ears with some truth and love. 
I have realized that I need to be seeking the Lord now more than ever.  In these quiet times in my life, I can be hearing the Holy Spirit so much more.
I do still thirst and hunger for Him.  And I desire to be on fire for the Lord... I’m just not right now.  I’m not living my life like some wild heathen, but what difference would that be if I’m not serving and seeking the Lord as I know I should be.  I’ve been to vested in trying to “make the most out of life” and missing the biggest part.
I don’t know if the last five years have left me calloused (I pray not), or if I am just in a dry season.  Regardless, I know that a change needs to be made and I’m ready.
I really felt like sharing this personal journey.  I don’t know if any of my five readers out there needed to hear this or not, but I’m hoping to encourage anyone else that might be in my shoes, and I’m seeking accountability and prayer from you too.  
He did His part.  
It’s time for me to do mine.