His ways are good and He is kind

"He is kind in all of His ways so you don't have to worry that He may take advantage of your loyalty."
                                                        -Priscilla Shirer


Okay... It's killing me.  I just have to give reason as to why that explanation of Psalm 145:17 has just touched my heart.


You see, through all my desires of having a child, I feel excuse me, I KNOW that God gave me some specific scripture from Ecclesiastes as an encouragement to have more children in the natural way he intended.  Yet I continued to carry this burden of doubt and was very fearful of conceiving a child.


Now my fear for following the Lord's direction was not because I doubted the Lord would make good on His promises.  {He didn't specifically promise to give me healthy children, but only directed me to [plant my seeds without worry because I do not know which ones will do well or not just as I don't know how He works His plans] Ecclesiastes 11:4-6}


I have faith that the Lord's plans are good even if I don't understand them.  But, you see Satan had misconstrued my vision on how the Lord works His plans.  In my twisted, untruthful thought pattern, I imagined that even though the Lord knew I was his faithful follower, He would continue to test me and try to break me at every angle.  That He would give me another child with probably even more medical needs just to test my love and devotion to Him.  That He would give me exactly opposite of what my heart desires just to see me prove my "loyalty" to Him.


Okay.  I am here to publicly and unapologetically announce that THAT IS A LIE FROM SATAN HIMSELF!!  And I have been believing that lie for three years now.  It has kept me from having what the Lord so obviously wants me to have... another child.  And to me this is just another testament that any child or children the Lord blesses me with are going to accomplish things that have eternal impacts.  


How timely is this study of Jonah by Priscilla Shirer in my own life.  A prophet, Jonah, heard directly from God and ran from His will.  Yet with provision after miraculous provision, Jonah made it to Nineveh and brought thousands and thousands of people to the Lord, saving the city.


This baby has definitely been my Nineveh.  I heard from the Lord, yet lacked obedience in faith in His power until He finally gave me a baby without my own planning involved (which, don't get me wrong, is an answered prayer in itself).  And my life was already interrupted with the GIFT of a special needs child to care for, but it was God's plan, and I have completely submitted to that; therefore, making it a Divine Intervention and not a rude interruption.  And for that reason alone I am already seeing the eternal gifts I have been given and impacts being made.  


So to read this statement in the doctor's office today:


"He is kind in all of His ways so you don't have to worry the He may take advantage of your loyalty."


truly opened my eyes to the wrong and fearful way I was viewing God's plan for my life.  He loves me.  Whatever child He gives me is truly a complete gift of love on His part.  He did not give me Jude to hurt me or test my love for Him, but because He loves me and He loves Jude, and He knew that we were the perfect match for each other- That together, with His help, we can make eternal impacts on this world.  And the story and blessing will be no less regardless of the health of our new baby.


Okay.. that's it.  Thanks for reading because this new truthful view of my sweet loving Father just has me bursting at the seams.


At His Feet,
Angel