The other shoe finally dropped...

So today was a pretty tough day...

I debated on whether or not I should share this.  I really want this blog to be a source of encouragement; however today I am very discouraged.  Ultimately I decided that this blog is such a vessel of prayer for my family.. and we really need prayers now.

It started good with a physical therapy session with Jude where he crawled for her once again.  After he displayed his new physical ability, the therapist sang his praises and mentioned how she thought she would never see him crawl.  It was nice to hear that Jude has once again amazed someone.. only by the Grace of God.

Then I went to the maternity shop to search for a cute maternity dress to wear this weekend.  Some of my very, very sweet friends and family have insisted on throwing me a “Baby Sprinkle” this Saturday; and some of us thought it would be cute to wear pink or blue depending on what we think the baby is.  So I picked out a......  BLUE dress!  We still don’t know the baby’s gender, I am just going against the grain for all my friends that have decided to wear pink.  (Truth be told, I really liked a pink dress and would have bought it had it been in my size.)

Then I made it over to my weekly OB appointment where I had an ultrasound first thing.  This is where the day literally fell apart.  The ultrasound tech asked if I was on pins and needles, but I answered “not really; I feel pretty good today.”  I would choke on those words if I had to say them again!!

Well, as we went through the ultrasound, the baby was looking good.  Movement was good, breathing was good, position was head down... all was looking okay.  I didn’t even watch the numbers at the bottom of the screen to scrutinize over them.  Then we finished and the tech announced that the baby weighs around 4 pounds and 6 ounces.  I sat up alarmed and asked if she was sure.  I explained that the baby weighed 3 pounds and 6 ounces at the last visit... FOUR WEEKS AGO!  She then realized why I panicked- the baby should weigh over 5 pounds- and remeasured everything with the final result not changing much.

I was devastated and in shock while I waited to see the doctor... And of course this was the day I met the other doctor because my doctor is out of town.  She came in and did my exam then we talked about the VBAC where her methods are slightly different than my doctor but we talk about it long because the pressing issue was the baby size.  

She told me that the baby had fallen from around the 30th percentile to right under the 10th percentile in the past month and that she wanted me to see Maternal Fetal Medicine today!  She said that she anticipated them taking the baby this week from what happened on the ultrasound.

I won’t go into detail how upset I was, I’m sure you could imagine the thoughts running through my head.  Lane left work to be with me and we went to MFM together.

We had a wonderful doctor who took us right in despite the crowded waiting room.  The doctor had reviewed our chart and knew our history with Jude.  He said he didn’t want us to wait until the next day because he didn’t want us to lose sleep over this.

I immediately asked him the question I feared the answer to the most- “Did he think this was happening to our baby because it has a chromosome abnormality.”  He smiled, knowing the question was coming, and answered, “NO!” that the thought was not even in his mind.  He said that this was very very common.  They did another ultrasound and a non stress test on the baby.  The baby scored a perfect score and didn’t show any signs of distress.  The doctor felt great about the baby and is having us come back in week for another ultrasound.  If the baby is still struggling in the growth department we will discuss going ahead and taking the baby around 37 weeks, but the doctor would like to get to at least 38 weeks... and so would I!

We left feeling reassured, but the elephant is still in the room with us.  

It was a tough day, and I would be lying if I said I was this admirable pillar of faith during it all.  I try to stay positive most of the time, but today I was angry; very angry.  I am feeling better and trying to think positively but it’s pretty difficult.  I am praying that the baby is born healthy and there is no need for it to have a NICU stay!

In the meantime, despite our distress there is still a baby to get ready for.  And now we need to get ready much sooner.  I’ve pulled out Jude’s baby clothes and sorted through them.  And Lane and I have put together a list of things to do before the baby arrives.  So now we are on a mission around here.  Hopefully, we still have a couple more weeks to prepare for Sweet Pea.  

Thank you for loving and praying for our family...